Why do people change?

People don’t change because they’re broken. They change because something feels off.

It’s not always obvious at first. Maybe it’s a quiet discomfort, or a sense that you’re not fully yourself. Sometimes, it’s just a moment when you stop and think, “Is this really who I want to be?”

For me, change has never been about fixing anything. It’s been about honesty—recognizing when I’m out of alignment with what I care about most. And I’ve learned that change doesn’t start with action; it starts with noticing. Noticing where things don’t fit, where I’m holding onto something out of habit instead of meaning, or where I’m showing up in ways that don’t feel authentic.

That’s where people change. Not to become someone else, but to come back to themselves—to live in a way that feels true.

Change Isn’t About Being Broken

Here’s the thing about growth: it’s not about fixing yourself. It’s not about hitting some dramatic low point or waking up one day with the sudden urge to overhaul your life. It’s quieter than that.

Change starts with noticing—when something doesn’t feel fully aligned. When there’s a disconnect between who you are and how you’re showing up. It’s not about “what’s wrong” with you. It’s about what’s true for you.

I was talking to a client recently who helps people through their own transitions, and we got into this deep conversation about how change unfolds. There’s no switch to flip. No single “aha moment.” It’s layered and messy, and honestly, it’s not supposed to be smooth.

Growth Happens in Phases

There’s this framework called the Transtheoretical Model of Change that breaks down the process of behavioral change into phases:

1. Noticing: Realizing something feels off, even if you’re not sure what yet.

2. Exploring: Getting curious about what’s meaningful, what aligns, and what doesn’t.

3. Aligning: Thinking about what feels authentic to you and how you might lean into it.

4. Doing the work: Testing it out, learning as you go, and staying connected to your values.

Here’s the key: you don’t have to rush through these stages. You don’t have to have a perfectly clear plan. Growth isn’t a race—it’s about showing up honestly, wherever you are.

It Starts With Noticing

The first phase—noticing—isn’t about judgment. It’s about curiosity. Maybe you’re feeling a nudge, like something isn’t quite right. Or maybe you’re realizing there’s space for something more.

This isn’t the time for action. It’s the time to ask:

What feels authentic to me right now?

What am I doing because it matters to me—and what am I doing because I think I should?

One of my favorite quotes from Emerson says it all:

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”

The noticing phase is about reconnecting with that—what’s within you. Your values. Your truths. The things that make you, you.

Exploring and Aligning

Once you’ve tuned into what feels true, the next step is exploring. This is where you start asking yourself bigger questions:

What aligns with who I want to be?

What doesn’t feel right anymore?

What do I care about, even when it’s hard?

Here’s the thing: it’s okay if you don’t have clear answers. Sometimes, the process of exploring is more about sitting with the questions than solving them.

From there, it’s about aligning—finding small ways to live in closer alignment with your values. This isn’t about overhauling your life. It’s about making subtle shifts. Adjusting where you’re showing up from a place of obligation versus authenticity.

Doing the Work

Finally, there’s the phase where you start experimenting. Trying new things. Seeing what works and what doesn’t.

And this part? It’s messy. There’s no avoiding that. But messy doesn’t mean wrong. Growth isn’t a straight line—it’s trial and error, reflection, and resilience.

I tell my clients all the time: you don’t need to have it all everything figured out ahead of time; you just need to trust that you have the tools to figure out whatever comes your way. What matters is that you’re showing up in a way that feels real.

The Question to Ask Yourself

So if you’re sitting with the idea of change, here’s where I’d start:

What feels most authentic to me right now?

What aligns with my values, even if it feels uncertain or uncomfortable?

That’s it. Not a grand plan. Not a perfect blueprint. Just a moment of honesty with yourself.

Because at the end of the day, growth isn’t about fixing anything. It’s about giving yourself permission to live in a way that feels true.

Previous
Previous

Why Retiring Was the Hardest and Best Decision I Ever Made

Next
Next

A Disruptor in a World of Status Quo